Well, my royal aspirations fell short, much to the delight, I am sure, of the nearly 3,000 would-be subjects in my 4-square-mile kingdom.
But the town sees plenty of queens - beauty queens, that is - riding around during the annual weekend for the Pageland Watermelon Festival.
The festival began in 1951 to promote the area's primary crop. Then, as now, the watermelon-eating and seed-spitting competitions were main events along with the usual festival fare of a parade, beauty pageant and street dance.
Over the years, events have been added including a rodeo and a car show on Saturday.
Pageland bonus: How my favorite S.C. town got its name: The town was founded in 1908 and named for Adolphus High Page, who brought the Chesterfield and Lancaster Railroad to this part of Chesterfield County.
If you're going: If you want to make a weekend of it, Pageland has two motels.
The Guest Lodge (843) 672-6117, 910 W. McGregor St., offers AAA and AARP discounts.
Villager Motel (843) 672-7225, 703 N. Pearl St., offers AARP discounts and is right in the middle of the celebration.